We all have met people we knew weren’t honest. Even if we didn’t initially know they weren’t telling us the truth, it probably didn’t take us very long to figure out what we were dealing with, but have we ever done the hard work of finding out why it is that some people aren’t honest? Sure, they might be afraid of your reaction. They live to play games. There are plenty of surface issues involved, but what’s beneath that layer of superficiality?
There’s a difference between the little white lies we tell. Although, an argument can be made on whether it’s worth your effort to date, or worse, marry someone who lies about the small things. If they lie about something insignificant, you can guarantee that they’ll have no qualms lying about the important matters. It’s a given for most people, male or female.
Every time you allow someone to lie to you, you’re permitting them to be emotionally dishonest. It becomes a habit, but if you’re not careful, that habit will continue to grow and grow. Soon enough, it will swell to a level you won’t be able to control. It could have a detrimental effect on your relationship, your business dealings, or whatever other part of your life you’ve allowed this person to be a part of.
“Pathological liars aren’t mythological fallacies. They’re everywhere today. They take exaggeration to an extreme. It all begins nice and subtle. You shrug it off or in some cases find it endearing… until the lies become insidious and leave deep scars on your heart.”
Here’s What You Need to Know About Honesty:
There’s emotional honesty. This means being authentic with yourself and the people in your life. The first rule of life is to show self-love. That breeds confidence. It makes you a whole, functional person.
Reasons Why People Lie:
• To protect themselves
• They’re afraid you’ll abandon the relationship
• To control you or someone else
• To control the narrative
• To avoid being punished or to avoid a conflict
Take any lying as a sign of something much heavier going on. Follow your gut. Protect yourself by extracting yourself from the situation or confronting the person head on. Don’t let their lies control you or your behavior. Dishonesty is about controlling you. It’s a response to fear. It’s a way of deflecting from their issues. That emotional dishonesty stems from their inability to trust themselves.
They think so negatively about themselves, that they think they have to lie to get approval. It’s like they live in another universe. They have mastered the ability to detach their lies from the person they pretend to be. Their dishonesty is pervasive and unstoppable unless they choose to deal with it. You can’t fix them.
If you find yourself dealing with someone who lies all the time or even part of the time, remove yourself from the situation. Don’t rationalize their behavior. Don’t make excuses for them. This is not the time to show pity because you’re just feeding into their manipulations. Their lies will eventually eat at you and kill your spirit. Cheating is a major lie. There’s no ifs, ands, or buts about it. It’s a relationship killer. Why allow yourself to be driven to anxiety? You can make a choice and walk away.
By Carol Jenkins