Love is a verb. There are no ifs, ands, or buts about it. Just like any other thing in life, love takes a great deal of skill, practice, patience, and, dare we say, finesse.

We all know words mean nothing if there’s no action behind them. Action yields results. Complacency breeds dissatisfaction.

While there are no tried and true ways—no one-size-fits-all methodologies to being the greatest lover—there are basic tenets that will put you way ahead of the curve. To put it simply, it begins with self-love. You must be able to love yourself before you dare try to love another.

Right now is as good a time as any to pause for a quick self-check. Stop and ask yourself how good of a lover you are. Are you treating yourself well? Do you give yourself the time, energy, and kindness you demand from others? Are your thoughts self-loving? Do your actions correlate with your deepest desires? How comfortable is it for you to take a good, hard look at yourself nude in the mirror?


If your goal is to be a good lover, you must first learn how to love yourself unconditionally. The ability to do so doesn’t happen overnight. It takes a willingness to try and dedication to the effort. Fine-tuning will be in order. It’s about the journey, not the destination. Take it one step at a time.

Life keeps us busy. We’re pulled in many different directions. That’s more reason for you to take a few moments every single day to check in and see how you’re doing. Are you treating yourself well? Have you allowed negativity to pervade your thoughts? Do your eating habits coincide with a happier, more secure you? Are there things in your daily routine that you can eliminate? Do you work out regularly? Ten minutes of exercise is better than none. We all have ten minutes to spare, whether that means we park farther from the door, we get off the bus or train a stop before our exit, or we take the stairs instead of the elevator. You’re worth the effort.

Instead of spending your weekends sitting on the sofa binge-watching Netflix, you could use that time to exercise. (Yes, with the TV on!) Imagine how many miles you could get in while watching your favorite show! Taking a few minutes to exercise helps virtually erase what you don’t need. For some of us, that means stress. For others, that might mean guilt or shame. Whatever it is, in only a few minutes a day, you’ll feel better knowing you’ve done something about it. Soon, it will become habit, second nature, and your mind and body will thank you for it.

Change is never easy, but taking the first step forward is a thousand times better than sinking back into the abyss of self-loathing or feelings of inadequacy. Treat yourself better. Practice kindness with yourself, and you’ll soon discover that being a good lover starts and ends with you.

You must be able to love yourself before you dare try to love another.

By Sylvia Morales