Because we spend one-third of our lives in bed, it is sensible that your bedroom be a peaceful retreat and play only two roles in your life: serenity and sensuality. Anything else can prevent both a good night’s sleep and a romantic encounter, which is why it’s so important to make sure your space truly acts as a mirror for your heart’s desire in a relationship. In order to make your yin more harmonized with his yang, and his yang more in love with your yin, consider these propositions from feng shui guru and spiritual psychotherapist, Inessa Freylekhman.

1.  A messy bed is not sexy, inviting, or restful. If you don’t have time to make your bed, you may be neglecting yourself and not spending enough time on self-care, an essential practice of living a balanced life. Splurge on fabrics that appeal to your senses such as chenille, flannel, silk, Egyptian cotton, and velvet.

2. Scent is a major libido activator! Use scented candles, aromatherapy, a room diffuser, or fragrant mist to create the desired effect. The sensual scents of rose, vanilla, sandalwood, and jasmine are known to turn up the sizzle factor while soothing lavender helps to unwind. The National Sleep Foundation found that 71% of Americans say they sleep better in a fresh-smelling bedroom. That should be enough to convince you to take a whiff and, probably, make a change.

3. Reduce chaos. Your TV, iPad, iPod, phones, and exercise equipment do not belong in the bedroom! Electronics send your brain into overdrive and compete for serenity and sensuality. Also, when you surf the net, check Facebook, or watch television in the bedroom or right before getting some shut-eye, you’re programming your brain to wake up and work.

4. Release clutter. Clutter stagnates your energy and sex life, sends you into a feeling of inundation, and is a major love repellent. Need I say more? Your nightstands should be neat, not in a state of disarray.

5. Choose your books wisely. Only read books that are relaxing before going to sleep. What you put in your head right before snoozing actually goes into your subconscious and you process it all night. What do you want to process in your dreams? That should give you a hint as to what is an ideal reading choice.

6. Don’t use old sheets from old relationships! If you’re single and still sleeping on the same sheets from your last relationship, then it’s time for a makeover. Feng shui states that energy sticks to stuff. You don’t want those old memories stamped on your bedroom or your mind to hold you back from meeting the right “one.” Also, don’t make the bedding completely white. It creates a sense of sterility and isn’t very inviting.

7.  Toss the old mattress! Because we spend a third of our lives in bed, the mattress records all the memories from the past. It contains an emotional signature of everything you felt, thought, and experienced. If you’re in a break-up or divorce, that’s one of the first things to let go of. Otherwise, the old energy can keep you feeling sad, stagnant, and attracting the same type of partners.

8.  If it’s broken, then fix it. If you want things to work in the bedroom, then make sure everything literally works in your bedroom: doors, drawers, lamps, etc. Broken items drain your energy and communicate that something isn’t working in the relationship.

9.  Get in command of what you want! The bed must be in the commanding position. Having the widest view of the room from where you are sleeping and seeing the door help create a sense of security and ease in the relationship. It also makes you feel on top of things and gives you the widest perspective, like you can handle anything! The more you can create a situation in which you are in command of your environment, the less startled, stressed, and anxious you will feel and the more conducive for rest and romance your room will be!

10.  Easy access, baby! Both people should have easy access to their side of the bed and the space on both sides of the bed should be clear, with no obstructions. This is true whether you’re in a relationship right now or not. Act as if!

11.  Matching nightstands represent equality and matching lamps illuminate through difficult times. Remember to purchase low voltage lights to keep the mood conducive for unwinding.

12.  Screechy, whiny, and cranky doors and bed can create stress and can be metaphors for the way you feel about yourself, love, and relationships. Spraying WD-40 or olive oil can remove those nasty sounds and feelings in an instant.

13.  Make sure the bed has a strong headboard or wall behind the head area. This represents security in the relationship.

14.  TV is out! Not only do TV’s create a harmful electromagnetic field, but they act as a distraction and can be an excuse for not dealing with each other on a deeper level. Keep the TV in an armoire, cover it with a fabric, or move it out altogether.

15.  Pictures of parents, children, and friends do not belong in the bedroom! Who wants all those gazing eyes on you when you’re trying to relax or in the midst of ecstasy? It’s hard enough for me to keep my parents out of my head, much less do I need them staring at me while I’m trying to fall asleep.

16.  Keep your office out of your bedroom. Need I say more? There are much better places to pay your bills then from your bed.

17.  Remove anything from under the bed. Objects under the bed could be creating stagnation in your sex life.

18.  Choose neutral colors and then pick one wall to paint a knockout color, which will bring in some of that steamy energy. It’s important to collaborate with your partner on what colors relax and get you in the mood.

19. For you single folk, acting “as if” will expedite your beloved’s arrival! Create space in your closet and dresser! Take a stretch and buy another toothbrush!

20.  Choose art that makes you feel good and reflects your desires.

21.  Remember, first and last impressions are made in the bedroom. So make them fantastic, romantic, and inspiring!



By Inessa Freylekhman